I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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