I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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