My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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