That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
