I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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