no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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