can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
