Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
