i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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