nut hugger
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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