Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
