I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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