i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I smell stomach acid.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
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