the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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