I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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