At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
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He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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