no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
