I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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