now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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