You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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