All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
