hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
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