I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
