I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
