I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
