2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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