i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
