OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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