You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
