I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
