Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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