I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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