where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
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So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
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Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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