Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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