Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
