i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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