Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
