someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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