Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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