I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize