Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
