it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
