Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
