i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
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He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
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I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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