Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
