so that wasnt chicken after all
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You have to summon your inner elephant
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
