dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
