That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
