I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize