She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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