Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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