Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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