We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
