All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
