im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
