I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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