you traded sex for a burrito?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
