im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
