The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
