I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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