I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
