i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
