I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
