Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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