Screwed.edu
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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